Hilarity

Yes I know I was on the front cover of wanbao!!!

Isn't it bloody hilarious? Qingqing actually laughed till she had tears in her eyes.

More about it later on, I'm so tired!

Oh by the way, I forgot to mention that the driver actually sped up when he saw me.

And thus, this makes me completely not my fault anymore, coz I saw him moving slowly and thought I'd walk according to his speed - which is pretty logical.

Except that he is absolutely mad and wants to knock people down.

Like a bowling pin. Haha!

I know how that feels like... sometimes when I'm in a car I feel like bumping people too. Not like hurt them mind you, just like, you know, gently nudge them a little at a green-man crossing, and they'll be like, "WTF?!" and I can go like, "Oops, sorry!! I am sorry, did I hurt your kidney?!" and make a oops-sorry face.

They'd go about their way while turning back to stare at me vehemently, and I'd just make an apologetic face. After they are go, I'll gently snigger to myself, thinking, "Ah, now I can die in peace knowing I did that once before." Not that I'd do it of course, I'm just saying I have the urge to sometimes. Like how some people have the urge to slap their bosses, but they don't do it. Or how some people have the urge to have sex with things they shouldn't have sex with. That's not me. I don't have that problem.


Wanbao would probably translate the above paragraphs to:

"XIAXUE WANTS TO KNOCK INNOCENT PEDESTRIANS DOWN; HAS NO HEART"


Hehe... Sensational!


Only positive comments will be approved.

You people are just leaving bad comments hoping Wanbao will quote you!!

Sarcastic comments are allowed if they are funny, unless it somehow curses people around me.

Why would you curse that Mike breaks up with me? He is innocent, and I'm the best girlfriend he ever had (or would have)! Don't make him lose something so precious!

Hehe... It pisses you guys off, doesn't it, when I am so chirpy and incorrigible? *smiles widely*

I feel very funny today. I feel like I have Chandler's spirit inside me. Except girls are just not as funny as guys and I don't have a team of world-class writers behind my jokes.

I'd write more funny stuff later, if Chandler stays.


Comments saying I am not funny will not be approved. I AM.

A way of life

Blonde?


Ash-green?


Black?


Light Brown?


Dark Brown?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.


Blonde.

I really, really miss my blonde hair...! =( =(

I do! Being blonde is not as simple as being Scandinavian or acting like one. It is a whole lifestyle and attitude!

It screams "Look at me!!" and it says, "I take care of my appearance", and it exclaims, "I am fun and girly and probably materialistic, well, I mean, I know how to enjoy life you know - with or without you".


Wow... This might be my most bimbotic post yet.

I don't even know how I did it, but that paragraph was like extremely superficial yet appeared deep at the same time.

Hahahaha!!!


Bonus photo

Mike being forced to go blonde, at least once, for me:

That was fun times in sunny California!

By the way, in case you wondered, the whole "being blonde is a way of life" thing does NOT apply to men. At all.

~ You know you have reached the peak of vanity when you stay awake at 4am thinking of whether or not to go blonde again. ~

p/s: Many of you are probably going to say that I don't look good/look very weird in blonde hair, but irregardless! As I said, it is a way of life, not just a colour!

p/p/s: I know there is no such word as irregardless, but it's supposed to be spoofing Mean Girls, you idiots. Just relax and stop being a prude.

Related article:
Want any tips about relationship?

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!

Very sad, this year Saddam Hussein died otherwise he can celebrate his birthday with me! I mean not WITH me per se of course, like in his own little hiding hole but at the same time as me.

Anyway, my life is just full of drama.

On the night of 27th, Kelvin, Qingqing, Mike and I went to JB at like 11pm for some, erm, dvds.

Of course, as it turns out when we reached the dvd shop we didn't buy anything because we had a guilt trip and it dawned on us that piracy is just wrong. WRONG, PEOPLE! Don't steal!

Ahem.

So, we went across the road to have some food.

After gorging, we crossed the road to get back to the car, and Mike told me to run coz there was a car coming.

I was in a bad mood (due to Mike being generally grumpy due to his lack of his sleep) and out of the corner of my eye I saw a slow moving car and didn't speed up at all but instead proceeded to cross the rest of the road in what can be described as a slow lumbering fashion.

As expected, my life flashed before me as the LOUD honk of the Malaysian car sounded.

Actually, I don't know how other people who almost died react, but I was quite tired and when I turned and saw the car was real close to me, all I did was think, "Huh? I thought this car was moving slowly??" With a slightly wide-eyed look.

And it was supposed to!

I mean, it's a small road, not the bloody German highway with no speed limit. Autobahn! I'm so smart.

So anyway, the fucker who almost took my life (23 years ago Momo had a hard time squeezing me out) wound down his window, and shouted at me in Mandarin,

"YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO SEE WHEN YOU CROSS THE ROAD IS IT?"

(Actually he didn't almost kill me, he was like 2 feet away)

I don't know why I like to pick fights, but I just shouted back, "FUCK YOU!"

and showed him my finger.

I guess I exploded coz it's really kinda annoying to have almost died and then yet have some shout at you.

I mean, c'mon, fine, it is maybe my fault to cross in a slow stupid manner, but I've already had the fright of my life, and additionally, almost got deafened by your honk, still not enough meh?

THEN STILL SHOUT AT ME!

Somemore the fucker so fucking ugly, like a piece of ugly fuck can. Stupid low-class middle-aged Chinese guy.

So, after I shouted at him, he told me to point my finger at my mother or something rude like that, so I smiled at him and pointed my finger at him once again.

Instead of being honoured since a gorgeous supermodel like myself will never be caught died talking to him under normal circumstances (social suicides, my dears!!), he got down of his car and thundered out of it, shouting various Hokkien vulgarities at me.

His girlfriend tried to restain him but he got down anyway.

And till this day I fantasize about how he would try to get off his car in the middle of the road, and while opening the door to get down, an oncoming tank would knock him senseless, thus ending his life.

I'd then kick his corpse and throw the la la I ta-baoed on his face while his girlfriend weeps. I'd then kick her for bad taste, and throw the extra 10 ringgit I had left over my shoulder as I leave.

But that didn't happened.

So that guy got down of his car, and I was rejoined by Kelvin, QQ and Mike when drama ensued (various scoldings by me and that guy, with Mike trying to stand in between us).


Within a short while, we were joined by a group of other people, Malaysian Ah Bengs, who were good-naturedly asking the fucker what happened.

The fucker shouted at the Ah bengs, "YOU ALL HER FRIENDS IS IT?" and the Ah Bengs replied, "No, we from the DVD shop... They our customers la, got anything can talk mah..."

While the fucker proceeded to scold the super sweet DVD shop guys. So nice of them, honestly! They didn't have to help us!

It's damn funny. I was too boiling mad to remember what happened, but at one point the fucker started shouting at Mike too, asking him,

"SINGAPOREAN IS IT?"

to which Mike replied "Yes." since it is really too troublesome to explain, "Nah, I'm from Dallas, which is in Texas, USA, but I used to be born in... blah blah and I am here working in Singapore, just passed by JB for some la la."

And so the fucker said,

"Singapolean big fuck izzit?" in the broken English I typed it as.

And Mike couldn't understand what the fuck he said, which would have been hilarious if not for the fact that I was so angry.

Stupid uneducated fucker.

I shouted at him,

"NI YAO ZHEN YANG? XIAN ZAI NI YAO DA NV REN SHI MA?!" (What do you want, you want to hit a girl?)

and he replied,

"WO YAO DA NI YOU ZHEN YANG?!" (So what if I hit you?)

The DVD shop boys restained him, and after this we walked away since it really isn't wise to pick a fight in other people's turf.

How gross, for a man to try to pick a fight with a 42kg (fine, 43.5) girl! *roll eyes* Oh yes! Because the girl has a chance to win!

Hope he dies. No, I'm not just saying it. I do hope he dies.

On the way back the girls hypothesized about how to verbally abuse him more, while the guys talked about how they would have beaten the fucker up. (Mike, "I'm a leftie, and people never expect that...")

Sigh.

Such a dramatic birthday.

Wanbao is trying to report the fellowing story, no doubt completely lifting it off to (zero writers' intregrity) fill up their trashy incompetent pages.
Which is STUPID, since... THE FOLLOWING STORY IS COMPLETELY FICTIONAL. Yes. I made it all up.

Speaking of sickening guys, that day Qingqing has a horrible encounter with a Bangala!

She was at City Plaza alone, taking some money out of the ATM, and this bangala asked her for some change, which she said she had none, and walked rapidly outside.

The bangala followed her and when she was outside, he GRABBED HER!

He held on to the back of her arm from behind her, and he said, "You, go Geylang with me."

NABEY!

ANGRY!

HATEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

How are we girls not supposed to be wary of bangalas you tell me????!!!!!!!!!!



So QQ turned around and slapped the bangala.

EWWWWWWW SO DIRTY!!! I don't wanna touch him!

And poor QQ, she was just in jeans and a tee or something! Not like she dressed like a whore or what you know, it's just that she got the sort of face that looks like you can bully her.

So the bunch of Ah bengs from the cellphone shop came up and started shouting at the bangala, and the bangala, according to QQ, "ran away super fast".

Haha, bangala running away very fast sounds very funny.

(QQ said to help her thank the Ah bengs on my blog coz she was so traumatized she just ran away without saying her thanks)

From the above two stories we can see that Ah Bengs are very nice people.

So anyway, on the 28th, Shuyin and Wanyi came over to my place to surprise me with a birthday cake, homecooked food (green curry, brinjals, tea eggs, french loaf) and complete with a recorder-blown Happy Birthday song!

Happy or not?!!!

My friends are sooooooo super sweet can.

We gossiped and talked auntie-talk till 5pm, when the girls left and Mike brought me to St Pierre's for a super yummy dinner costing him $155.

I am super lucky I didn't get killed afterall.

Imagine Shuyin and Wanyi come, then actually I died already. Damn stupid.

Ok, pictures soon ok! Very busy.

Love!!!


p/s: No offence to Malaysians since you can be quite sensitive. I'm just talking about that particular guy.

Related Article:
want any tips about relationship?

Please don't break up with me

Don't dump me ok? Don't leave me for other regularly updated albeit mediocre blogs!

I tried so hard, I did!

But the cb Midplaza Hotel in Manhattan had a shitty internet connection, which costs $10 USD a day and I had to go to Gillian's room to use it... so yeah la, not very convenient.

But here I am! Finally got back home and slept off the jetlag.

78 photos.

And one new tattoo.

One day, I randomly suggested to Qingqing, "You wanna get a same tattoo with me and KK? Something small la, like a tiny star or heart or something."

QQ kept quiet, so I thought she wasn't agreeable to it, which is quite normal mind you, since most people won't agree to a tattoo just on a whim like that.

I prodded, "What you think?"

And she said, "Yeah I want! I am thinking where to put it."

Ha! Damn steady one ok! Then she suggested putting it behind our ear.

KK was told about this idea the day after, and she was damn enthu about it, so here we are at the tattoo parlour, all getting our second tatts. Sigh. Such zest for life!!

Digressing, tattooing is fucking addictive ok?

Honestly, I was asking the girls if they were gonna have more tatts, and they all said a loud, "YES."

Hahaha! The thing is, we all have no idea what else to ink, but just know that we are not "complete" yet.

I think I know why.

Once you get over the fact that having a print on your skin forever is not that big a deal, you realise you have a fucking damn lot of skin you can customise to your liking, and man, it's honestly quite overwhelming.

And that's why most people don't only have one tattoo. It's addictive!

Mike told me not to get more coz it seems to him that I am getting further and further away from what I was when he got together with me (nose job, tattoos, un-blonde hair, not tan anymore), but he is so siao can, I thought men are naturally polygamous - so he should be happy that it would seem like he got some new chick(s) to have sex with, no?

Back to the tattooing... When we reached Parkmall, I said I think I'd rather do a heart than a star, and the girls got very mad at me!!

They said what's the point of getting a "same" tattoo if I am getting a different design from them?

Bah. So I got the tattooist to draw the star on me with a marker.

Something like this! I'm sold.

The other ear had a heart, and it looks awful.


QQ, pre-tattooing


KK with marker-drawn tattoo


excited!


Qihua sms-ing while waiting

Grrrrrr

Parkmall's tatt parlour was such a BIG mistake. The owner (I think), Joseph, was not around, and we all got done by the apprentice, who is shitty to say the least.

He has no sense of proportion! You'll see.

Looks ok?


NOT!

It's a fucking distorted star can!

And he can't even see what's wrong with it (it is soooo obvious), and I had to take a picture, enlarge it on my cam, and point out to him that the star is neither symmetrical nor straight.

After he touched it up it was better.

God! Never again.

My snowflake tattooist Jeremy Tan is sooooooo much better.

My turn!

I wanted a fat pink star:

The pen-drawn star mock-up was sooooo distorted I made him reprint and redraw it.

This kinda thing cannot be shui bian (easy-going) one ok, even if I only paid $50 for it. And I was told $50 was a rip-off.

My pink star...!!

This time, it REALLY HURT.

It hurt so bad I had to crush Mike's hand while he was colouring it in. On a scale of ten for pain, this one's like 5/10. Which is quite bad because the snowflake was 2/10!

I think he really pressed too hard on my skin, my snowflake had like nooooooo blood at all, but my star...

Very bleedy


Mike is the only one uninked now


We are chio!




Ha!


This is before the scab came off...

Now the star's a baby pink colour.

I know! It's not very well-done. I'm gonna go get it touched up by my snowflake guy.

That's it about the tattoo!

Random photo:


Mike being cute

Gillian's birthday!

Mike and I on our way


At this nice French restaurant


Choosing dishes


All of us, with Mr Tan (G's dad) blurred out coz he wants his privacy


Birthday girl with Rozz Joey and Bryan


They got engaged when G was 22! I am 23! MIKEEE!!!!!!!!!


Horrible raw-ish scallops. Hate raw food


The dish is almost finished, but this is the BEST salad I ever had!

Warm prawn salad. YUM


Mediocre foie gras


Mike + me


Us girls

Being a director, Gillian knows she must know and master all sorts of expressions.

For example,

"This one, my cake ah?"


"Must be joking right, nah bey, so small like ant."


"Heh? Answer, anyone?"


"OK la, I try to make do with this."


"I want more cake!"


Of black


And boots






And love + stars

Random photo:


Kelvin acting like Ikea ape


My new pink highlights/extensions!!


With make up and on my way to Dr Georgia Lee's Superstar party!!!


Held at the glamourous poolside of Marriott hotel


Stripper waiters


The girls with fellow star blogger Joe Augustin!




So much fab food it is scary!


In front of the smaller stage


This one Rozz had her eyes closed but my hair looks mighty fine!


Better


Look!


We were trying to mimic the poster behind. :D


David Gan, Cynthia Koh, Ivy Lee, Chen Han Wei


Grabbed over by Joe






Me and Paris Hilton!






(On left, Dr Lee)








So many gorgeous people!!

Entertainment was provided, such as...




A real-life fire blower!!!

He said his fire sticks are "Fire Satay"s and they are delicious!

Do try this at home, stupid people, and try to die from it.

Tarot card reader. She talks quite a bit of nonsense I think.


The pool side is sooooo beautiful


And lastly, a photo of Rozz, Dr Georgia Lee, and me!

I am sooooo sleepy now, good night!

Super busy.

Anyone got a recording of my MSU question?